No Wicca this time :P

Today I had my developement talk. I had my teacher who's swedish so we spoke swedish all the time, which was a release. I was acctually supriced by my "grades". Ofcourse we don't get GRADES-grades this early but the teachers had made notes of how we worked so far. And most of them said I did great! I mean, I did what? I haven't even done my homework yet! I don't know, I'm a little confused right now. Maybe they were just trying to be nice now in the beginning of high school. So we won't give up already.
After the developement talk I got some working energy, like always after a developement talk. But, as always, the energy goes away quite fast.

And then there is a lot of negative energy around me too.
I hate her so much! She gives me this negative energy still, even though I changed from her school! Will I never get rid of that devil? Because that's what she is to me. The devil. An evil, over maked bitch who acts like a drama queen, so cute and nice. And then when she turns around her green snake eyes are shooting flames of hate. Flames from hell I would say. How can one person destroy ones life? Well, go ahead ask her!

Wow, it's incredible.
Me and my friends were going to this party and now SHE wants to come too. I said HELL NO! But ofcourse some of my friends are friends with her too and they keep telling me to just talk to her. Oh my fucking god, OVER MY DEAD BODY! OH NO! THAT AINT HAPPENING! NEVER NEVER NEVER! They really don't see how much pain she have caused me... Will this never end?
I guess maybe if they rather go with her I'm skipping the party. I mean they have to choose, me or her, in this case at least, because I don't care who the hell they are friends with, just DON'T make ME have to meet that fucker again! But at the same time, I don't want HER to stop me from doing something...
I HATE HER!
:@

Winter depression

It's so dark everywere, it makes me gray. I feel so small and fragile in the wind, like I would so easely blow away with it. The sky is concealed behind the heavy clouds and I miss the warm sun shining on my face. Still I want to feel the fresh air and the leafs flying around my feet.

Music, don't leave me. I need you those cold days to light up my day. You are my light in the dark keeping me from falling apart, because I'm always so close, so close to give up. But at least now I've got something. Something to hold on to, to grasp with my frozen hands until they finaly thaw in the sunshine again.

Why do I feel this depresion? This winter depresion, oh this winter depresion, that keeps clouding up my mind.

Bring me home again, bring me home to the laughter, the sunshine and the dancing people. Bring me back to my little blue house in the small town where I grew up. The town with children playing on the streets. With birds wisteling in the trees on the meadows full of flowers bursting with pollen. The smell of honey in the air, a heavy sweetness, but then, a fresh wind of newly cut grass.

Where are you sweet childhood? Where are you sweet lullaby? You who used to sing me to sleep, kiss me goodnight when the sun went down over the mountaintops.

Why did we go separate paths in the end?

Goals

I've been feeling a little bit like I'm falling out of wicca. Time is so short these cold winter days and that easely causes stress and headace. Maybe now's the time to go back to my wicca studies? I could really need a realaxing spell on me right now... But I have my other studies as well, and I'm feeling like I'm a little after where I should be all the time.

Hmm... I wonder why we all have to stress like this, through the whole life. We are running down into our graves and don't even have time to smell the roses on the way. Is this really the right way to live? I don't know, it feels like I'm jumping from road to road. I want a direction, I want only ONE road, one path to go. I need a goal...


I'm tired of all these things I do, all these things I never finish, I want a goal, a real goal. I wanna find my passion, something I really fel like is MY thing.


I need it NOW.