No Wicca this time :P

Today I had my developement talk. I had my teacher who's swedish so we spoke swedish all the time, which was a release. I was acctually supriced by my "grades". Ofcourse we don't get GRADES-grades this early but the teachers had made notes of how we worked so far. And most of them said I did great! I mean, I did what? I haven't even done my homework yet! I don't know, I'm a little confused right now. Maybe they were just trying to be nice now in the beginning of high school. So we won't give up already.
After the developement talk I got some working energy, like always after a developement talk. But, as always, the energy goes away quite fast.

And then there is a lot of negative energy around me too.
I hate her so much! She gives me this negative energy still, even though I changed from her school! Will I never get rid of that devil? Because that's what she is to me. The devil. An evil, over maked bitch who acts like a drama queen, so cute and nice. And then when she turns around her green snake eyes are shooting flames of hate. Flames from hell I would say. How can one person destroy ones life? Well, go ahead ask her!

Wow, it's incredible.
Me and my friends were going to this party and now SHE wants to come too. I said HELL NO! But ofcourse some of my friends are friends with her too and they keep telling me to just talk to her. Oh my fucking god, OVER MY DEAD BODY! OH NO! THAT AINT HAPPENING! NEVER NEVER NEVER! They really don't see how much pain she have caused me... Will this never end?
I guess maybe if they rather go with her I'm skipping the party. I mean they have to choose, me or her, in this case at least, because I don't care who the hell they are friends with, just DON'T make ME have to meet that fucker again! But at the same time, I don't want HER to stop me from doing something...
I HATE HER!
:@

Winter depression

It's so dark everywere, it makes me gray. I feel so small and fragile in the wind, like I would so easely blow away with it. The sky is concealed behind the heavy clouds and I miss the warm sun shining on my face. Still I want to feel the fresh air and the leafs flying around my feet.

Music, don't leave me. I need you those cold days to light up my day. You are my light in the dark keeping me from falling apart, because I'm always so close, so close to give up. But at least now I've got something. Something to hold on to, to grasp with my frozen hands until they finaly thaw in the sunshine again.

Why do I feel this depresion? This winter depresion, oh this winter depresion, that keeps clouding up my mind.

Bring me home again, bring me home to the laughter, the sunshine and the dancing people. Bring me back to my little blue house in the small town where I grew up. The town with children playing on the streets. With birds wisteling in the trees on the meadows full of flowers bursting with pollen. The smell of honey in the air, a heavy sweetness, but then, a fresh wind of newly cut grass.

Where are you sweet childhood? Where are you sweet lullaby? You who used to sing me to sleep, kiss me goodnight when the sun went down over the mountaintops.

Why did we go separate paths in the end?

Goals

I've been feeling a little bit like I'm falling out of wicca. Time is so short these cold winter days and that easely causes stress and headace. Maybe now's the time to go back to my wicca studies? I could really need a realaxing spell on me right now... But I have my other studies as well, and I'm feeling like I'm a little after where I should be all the time.

Hmm... I wonder why we all have to stress like this, through the whole life. We are running down into our graves and don't even have time to smell the roses on the way. Is this really the right way to live? I don't know, it feels like I'm jumping from road to road. I want a direction, I want only ONE road, one path to go. I need a goal...


I'm tired of all these things I do, all these things I never finish, I want a goal, a real goal. I wanna find my passion, something I really fel like is MY thing.


I need it NOW.

Okay, for you who does'nt know...

Hello all the cute people in the world! I know you are cute becouse I see you all the time, wandering around in this cloudy little world. And I know, that in the cute little head of yours there are a lot of questions that have'nt been answerd.
Well, I don't whanna say that I will answer them all, but, for you who know that some of those questions are about something called Wicca, maybe I will help.
Or maybe I just started a new question in your head. "Wicca, what is that?"
Yea, that's a good start. So, I'll tell you a little bit about it.

Wicca is first of all - a religion.
It was created in 1954 by the britt Gerald Gardner, born 13th of june 1884 in England, dead 12th of february 1964.
Gerald was a retired British civil servant, who at the time called it a "Witch cult" and "Witchcraft", and its adherents "the Wica".
For most Wiccans, Wicca is a duotheistic religion worshipping both a God and a Goddess, who are seen as complementary polarities (akin to the Taoist philosophy of yin and yang), and "embodiments of a life-force manifest in nature." The Goddess is sometimes symbolised as the Moon, and the God as the Sun.

Wicca is essentially an immanent religion, and for some Wiccans, this idea also involves elements of animism. A key belief in Wicca is that the Goddess and the God (or the goddesses and gods) are able to manifest in personal form, most importantly through the bodies of Priestesses and Priests via the rituals of Drawing down the Moon or Drawing down the Sun.

Beliefs in the afterlife vary among Wiccans, although reincarnation is a traditional Wiccan teaching. Raymond Buckland said that a soul reincarnates into the same species over many lives in order to learn and advance one's soul, but this belief is not universal. A popular saying amongst Wiccans is "once a witch, always a witch", indicating that Wiccans are the reincarnation of earlier witches.Typically, Wiccans who believe in reincarnation believe that prior to this, the soul rests for a while in the Otherworld or Summerland, known in Gardner's writings as the "ecstasy of the Goddess". Many Wiccans believe in the ability to contact the spirits of the dead who reside in the Otherworld through spirit mediums and ouija boards, particularly on the sabbat of Samhain, though some disagree with this practice, such as High Priest Alex Sanders, who stated "They are dead; leave them in peace." This belief was likely influenced by Spiritualism, which was very popular at the time, and which Gardner had had experience with.
Despite some belief in it, Wicca does not place an emphasis on the afterlife, focusing instead on the current one; as the historian Ronald Hutton remarked, "the instinctual position of most pagan witches, therefore, seems to be that if one makes the most of the present life, in all respects, then the next life is more or less certainly going to benefit from the process, and so one may as well concentrate on the present".

Wiccans believe in magic that can be manipulated through the form of witchcraft or sorcery. Some spell it as "magick", a term coined by occultist Aleister Crowley, though this spelling is more commonly associated with the religion of Thelema than Wicca. Wiccans cast spells during ritual practices inside a sacred circle, in an attempt to bring about real changes (which are further explained in the "Ritual practices" section). Common Wiccan spells include those used for healing, for love, for fertility, or to banish negative influences.
Many Wiccans agree with the definition of magic offered by ceremonial magicians. Aleister Crowley, for instance, declared that magic was "the science and art of causing change to occur in conformity with will", and MacGregor Mathers stated that it was "the science of the control of the secret forces of nature". Wiccans believe magic to be a law of nature, as yet misunderstood by contemporary science. Other Wiccans do not claim to know how magic works, merely believing that it does because they have seen it work for them.
Many early Wiccans, such as Alex Sanders and Doreen Valiente, referred to their own magic as "white magic", which contrasted with "black magic", which they associated with evil and Satanism. Some modern Wiccans however have stopped using this terminology, arguing that the colour black should not have any associations with evil.

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